How to come across the way you intend

At some point in your personal relationships or business affairs, there were those moments where you came across as someone totally different.

You know that time where you’re trying to make a great friendly impression, but next day you hear gossip that you were acting and looked like a complete douche. Or after that date where you thought you were listening intently and being caring, but never got a call back. Come to find out you were viewed as snobby and bored.

Well, the thing is…it’s more than just one time. It actually happens more often than you think. 

It’s probably one of the reasons you felt frustrated time after time and say to yourself: people don’t get me! 

The thing is, our intentions aren’t clear to people.

It’s not their fault.

We are actually harder to understand than we think we are. 

Our emotions, our intentions, our thoughts aren’t really obvious to others.

They may be obvious to you.

But that’s totally not the case with others. 

Why is that the case?

Well, most of what we do is based on assumptions rather than actual information. 

Think about it. People don’t really know your intentions, thoughts, or even feelings.

Most assume others do, but they don’t know because you haven’t expressed them.

As a result, you’re left frustrated. 

There are a few a few things that they can read.

Like you’re facial expressions.

The problem is, you don’t have that information available to you. Most of us don’t know what we do with our face.

Add to that fact that facial expression are hard to read.

The same can be said with body language. 

They also have information on what we say and we do too. The problem is we are assuming people are great listeners and are actually paying attention to what we say. 

That's a big assumption. 

What can we do about it?  

We have to look at the underlying factor underneath of it all. It's that everything we do and say is open to interpretation. 

It's not our words and actions that count. It's how they interpret our words and actions which results in how people view us. 

There are a few things things that are out of our control. Such as stereotypes. This happens unconsciously. 

Another thing would be past experiences. You know that old cliche "the first impression is everything," well that really is a lens people use (unconsciously) when they think of us. 

There is one thing you can do.

Find a really really close friend. Someone who will be straight up honest with you. 

Ask them to finish this sentence: If I didn't know you better, I'd think you were ______.

This will give you a start and see how you really are viewed.

You'll be surprised to find out what you hear. 

To find out what else you can do, pick up a copy of  Heidi Grant Halvorson's book No One Understands You And What To Do About It.

My name is Romario Villanueva.  Entrepreneur & blogger. I'm a graduate from Rutgers University with several certifications from top schools through Coursera. I love all things business, psychology, and basketball. Feel free to reach out to me on Twitter or LinkedIn

One Life Changing Habit...

We are creatures of habit. 

Some good and some bad. Nonetheless, they are part of our life.

Stephen Covey defines habits as revolving around knowledge, skill, and desire. Knowledge is the what and why. Skill is the how. And desire is the motivation.

So you can see why when it comes to setting goals and reaching our vision, habits have a tremendous gravity pull. They can work with us or against us.

Here is one habit often overlooked by many but something we should be cognizant of: our ability to change our mindset from a negative to a positive one. 

Naturally, our negative thoughts outweigh our positive ones.

I'm sure you experienced it at some point or another. At work, when one of your employees or co-workers drops the ball by costing the company a sale or making you stay a bit longer. Even if it's just one time, that one time usually overrides any positives demonstrated in the past. This even happens in relationships too where your partner might do one stupid thing negating any positives which can cause the relationship to spiral downwards.

The point here is to overcome negative thoughts with positive ones.

Sounds simple right? It is, but nobody works on it.

So what can we do about it?

I'm going to narrow my focus on goals. You and I can relate.

There have been plenty of times we set goals, but failed to achieve them.  

For some, we never even start!

Don't worry. It happens. The key is to see why and learn how to adapt.

One thing you can do is make your goals smaller rather than larger.

Why?

Your goals are too big…

Instead of working out for 2hrs per day why not start out with 20 minutes first. Doing so allows you to be more consistent and avoid the feeling of failure. 

When you set these outrageous out of reach goals you're setting yourself up for failure. And you're brain will act accordingly. It will do anything to avoid that pain. 

However, small goals are more easier to achieve and allows you to be more consistent. Likewise, your brain chemically rewards you.

Once you get rewarded, you keep doing it.

How do you know if your goals are too big?

Procrastination.

If you're goals are too big you are more likely to procrastinate.

Think of it.

Lets say you want to start up a business. Your first goal is to acquire a $100,000.

Lets also say you never raised that much money before. 

Guess what? Majority of us will keep putting off that daunting task because it's too big.

Start out small. Raise $10,000 or even $1,000 before going that high.

You have to earn the right.

I’m guilty of it too! 

I never really enjoyed reading a few years ago. It was completely boring to me. I noticed almost every successful person reads so I said to myself I better get to it. However, when I started I tried to read 1 book a day. That lasted about half a week... Eventually I adapted and the first thing I did in the morning was read for 15 minutes. That was it. It kept me consistent and over time, I read more and longer.  

So be careful with procrastination. It's usually a sign indicating something.

Conclusion

When it comes to habits, make them concise and easier.

Work on them.

What is one habit that you are currently working on?

My name is Romario Villanueva.  Entrepreneur & blogger. I'm a graduate from Rutgers University with several certifications from top schools through Coursera. I love all things business, psychology, and basketball. Feel free to reach out to me on Twitter or LinkedIn

Should You Stop Following Your Passion?

Have you noticed growing up that almost everyone’s career advice was: Follow your passion.

I’m sure you have.

In fact, I’ve actually been given that advice countless of times. Find and do what you love. It’s the only way. 

But what if I were to tell you that it’s all a mirage.

The advice sounds good. 

It feels good.

The thing is it actually practiced by the people who say it?

Sometimes we say things that don’t line up with what we actually do in the real world.

Sometimes our passion is something we just fell into.

It’s usually not always something you grow up thinking you love.

In other words, the foundation of a successful career doesn’t necessarily come from just saying and picking something you like. 

There’s more to it.

So where does it come from?

The argument is does passion come before we even start our work or does it come after?

The author Cal Newport points out that it may be the inverse of the cliché. The more you do something…the more likely you are to see it as your passion. 

Contrary to picking something you think you love. Can it be true that you first just pick something, put in years of work, get good at it, acquire high levels of skill, and be then passionate about your work? Get so good at your work in which your competence becomes your confidence. 

The main point is to go after skills not passion. 

That comes from knowing your strengths. 

Be careful though, not many people know their true strengths. It's not enough for you to think you're good at something.

The key is if others see you add value.

Do you think skills trump passion in the quest for work you love?  

My name is Romario Villanueva.  Entrepreneur & blogger. I'm a graduate from Rutgers University with several certifications from top schools through Coursera. I love all things business, psychology, and basketball. Feel free to reach out to me on Twitter or LinkedIn