Do you struggle with love? Friendship? Is it hard for you to find that right business partner?
Most people are quick to assume that much happiness comes
from money—wealth. This is especially
true when we are bombarded with advertisements and videos of people smiling and
floundering their materialistic possessions.
Others, believe that happiness stems from your health. That
seems right…? If you think about it, what good is all the money in the world if
you can’t be healthy enough to enjoy it? But, there have been countless of
cases where people suffer tragic injuries losing one of their senses. Yet, they
seem to rebound and appreciate life even more despite their loss of health.
Contrary to popular belief, neither health nor wealth
achieve the long lasting effect of happiness. Now, don’t get me wrong. These are
very important when you are striving for the good life.
But, if there was one thing that you had to put your total
focus on, it should be your social life. The relationships you build over time
are where most of your happiness comes from. So it’s extremely important to get
this right.
The crazy thing is, we all struggle with relationships. It
doesn’t matter if you’re young, old, male or female.
We all have challenges in that department.
What’s crazier is that throughout our years in the
educational system we were never really taught the importance of relationships.
You would think that would be one of the most important life aspects to teach
in our society.
Below, I will share with you the 3 main attachment styles (and rare 4th)
explained by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Attachment styles are manners in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in relationships.
- Secure: Warm, loving, okay to be attached, and comfortable with intimacy. Around 50% of people.
- Anxious: Craves intimacy and constantly preoccupied with relationships. A perfect example would be if a loved one hasn’t texted you back and you quickly jump to the assumption they don’t love you back. Around 20% of people.
- 3 Avoidant: Minimizes intimacy and equates intimacy with a loss of independence. Around 25% of people.
- Anxious Avoidant: Displays tendencies of both. Roughly 3-5% of people.
Now
before you jump to conclusions, it’s important to note that neither attachment
style is better than the other.
The
main point here is awareness of which attachment style you have and which best
complements you.
As
a secure individual you tend to have more choices. You can easily find a solid
relationship with all three attachment styles. Oddly enough, there isn’t any
added benefit when two secure attachment styles come together.
As
an anxious individual you tend to gravitate towards someone who is avoidant.
However, you’re best complemented with a secure individual. In life, we often
know what is best for us. Despite this, our tendencies seem to do the opposite. Even
though secure people are the best fit for anxious people, anxious people view
the relationship as boring. Why boring? Because there is no drama. There is no “why
didn’t they text me quickly.” But it’s not really boring. The truth is, there
is an addiction built to that type of drama where an anxious individual craves
the attention of an avoidant individual. Even though they are never reassured.
As
an avoidant individual you tend to gravitate towards someone who is anxious. The
same situation applies as mentioned above, but in reverse.
The
more you become acquainted with these attachment styles, the more your
relationships with friends, loved ones, and business partners will flourish. You'll be less stressed and more happy in every aspect of your life as a result.
It’s
important to note that, as we go through life events and changes in our
environment that it's possible to change our attachment style. However, the
more likely case is it won’t happen.
We
aren’t 100% of one attachment style. We are a combination of all three. All
three are still around because they provided a purpose for us through history.
Try not to look at this science as black and white. Sometimes in life there are
exceptions and there aren’t any really clear cut answers.
What attachment style are you?
Pick up your copy of the book Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love.
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